CAR INSURANCE

Pirate’s Work Injuries

After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker’s compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related.
“How did you get the wooden leg?” asked the agent.
In a booming voice the pirate replied, “Me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang ’round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg.”
The agent replied, “That is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand?”
“Well matey, me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang ’round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me hand,” said the pirate.
“That’s also work related. Now how did you lose your eye?” asked the agent.
The pirate replied, “Well matey, I was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!”
“What does that have to do with the loss of your eye?” said the agent.
“It were the first day with me hook!”

Life Insurance

Pre-Existing Condition

I was hitting the ski slopes when a bizarre accident occurred. While fumbling my way off a chair lift, another chair hit me from behind and knocked me out cold. I woke up with a headache, in a hospital bed and immediately called my insurance company.
After explaining what happened the insurance rep said, “We’re covering nothing on this claim. You hit yourself in the head with a chair on a ski lift. You’re an idiot. And that’s a pre-existing condition.”

A Skydiver is Blown Off Course

A skydiver is blown off-course and lands in a tree in a remote area. After dangling from branches for an hour, he spots a hiker walking by.
“Excuse me,” yells the parachutist, “but could you tell me where I am?”
The hiker looks up and says, “Yes, you’re twenty feet above the ground.”
“Thank you,” replies the skydiver, “You must be an actuary.”
“What makes you say that?” asked the hiker.
The skydiver answered, “Because what you just told me was 100% accurate, but totally worthless!”

HEALTH INSURANCE